Recognizing the Signs of a Marriage in Trouble
Although most would prefer to believe otherwise, a marriage in trouble always produces warning signs that the relationship simply isn't as it should be. Many choose to ignore these signs for fear of the changes that acceptance and confrontation can produce. Some people never broach the subject of evaluating the marriage because they fear that it's already too late to salvage things. And in some circumstances, couples simply become comfortable with one another and the "separated" lifestyles they lead. Not wanting to upset the balance that has been found--even if it means living more like roommates than a loving couple--is a solid factor in this outlook because it's hard for a person to think about "starting over".
Regardless of why one has decided to ignore the obvious signs, they do exist. Sometimes a friend or family member may even be brave enough to inquire about their observations, which is often a reality shock to the couple. We are going to talk about the major signs that point to a marriage in trouble. One must remember that it is never too late to give it one more whole-hearted try, but noticing these signs isn't enough to sort the problem. Both partners must agree on what areas of the relationship are failing and how each person can act upon these areas to yield improvement.
The first sign we are going to talk about is lack of proper communication, since communication is a founding ingredient in a marriage. Communication comes in both the verbal and physical form. When a couple is still in the "honeymoon state", there is plenty of hand-holding, random smooches, whispering over inside jokes, secret "eye" communication, and cuddling just for the sake of it. This is the physical communication that makes two people feel intimate (both romantically and not) with one another. Good verbal communication during the early stages of marriage include compliments, saying "I love you", long conversations about significant and off-the-wall topics, sharing dreams and future goals, and sharing the details of one's day or schedule.
A comment such as "Why don't you stop by during lunch and we'll eat together," is simple, but open and honest about one's desire to share their spare time with their partner. As the marriage carries on, comments such as these occur less frequently. One may assume that the other knows he/she is loved and doesn't need to hear it or will "stop by for lunch if they want to" without being asked. This is evidence that the verbal communication is suffering within the relationship. When the hand-holding, cuddles, and even love-making dissipate to infrequent occurrences, then there is definitely a lack of physical communication going on.
Another sign of a marriage in trouble is the failure to spend time together. When a couple has a conflicting schedule, it can often be easier to simply admit that the barrier and simply "deal with it". Unfortunately, this is a huge sign that the couple's willingness to fight for the marriage is slipping. Even the most hectic of lives must be adjusted so that a couple can make time for one another. Instead of eating dinner in front of the TV, the couple could be dining al fresco or in a quiet place where they can open the communication lines and talk about their day, their dreams, or their foot fungus. It doesn't matter, as long as the topic doesn't steer into a negative area. A couple can't communicate if they aren't spending time together.
When the loving comments and gestures turn into accusation and resentment, then there is definitely a problem going on. In most cases, this also spawns from a lack of conversation or from not spending enough time together. A wife may initially be 100% willing to give her husband the benefit of the doubt when he comes home late from work, but over time she may begin to harbor resentment towards him because he's "always late" or "too selfish to call". Instead of holding back these feelings, the wife should express her upset as soon as her feelings begin to turn in this direction.
Looking for distractions in order to avoid the awkward silences or the nagging feeling that the relationship simply isn't what it used to be is yet another warning sign. If the TV is always on, they are always working on a hobby, or always reading a book, this is a bad sign that the couple is drifting too far apart to the point that they are avoiding one another. Again, this requires the couple open up to one another and voice their concerns about why they don't spend time together anymore or why they can't sit and talk like they used to.
A marriage in trouble may not always include feelings of detachment. In some cases, marriages can become full of spite and anger, which can make it extremely difficult for a couple to work their problems out on their own. A marriage counselor would likely be the best step for a couple finding it hard to get the ball rolling in the right direction. The important issue is to try to work things out--to fight for the marriage.